Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I Want the Friendships

There are bloggers out there who are jealous of the ARCs people receive. Others wish they had as many page views and blogger A or B. And I'm a jealous blogger too, in all honestly.

I'm jealous of all the friendships people in the book blogging community have. 

Sure some are like cliques (like come on, you know it's true), but I want that. I want to be able to share my thoughts on books and meet people who are like me in real life. People I can text and meet in person and fan girl with. I've been blogging for 5 or 6 years now (I've even lost count) and I can count on one hand how many of those kinds of friendships I've made and I feel like this:
crying emma stone
Ice cream is mandatory in situations like this. 
I've always been a shy person when I meet people for the first time. After a while, I get to my true self: the hyper, happy, crazy Kailia. But first impressions are important and I'm always worried that I come off as a serious, non-friendly person. And my personality will come of not only on this blog but on Twitter and other social media also.

I want to be able to go to a city and think "hey, a (blogger) friend of mine lives here, I could crash on their couch!" or send someone a package of books because we were GChatting about them.

I guess it comes down to wanting to be liked. I want people to think I'm friend material because I'd like to think I am friend material. I want to belong in a more real way than just having a book blog. It's when I see friendships like this that make me wonder: is there something I'm doing wrong? Why don't people like me? What is wrong with me?

Yes, I realize I sound kind of childish but I feel it's an insecurity we all have and face at one point in our lives.

Is this weird? Or do any of you feel this way?