1) I have issues with anxiety and panic attacks. I make it sound worse than it is but anxiety is much more common for me. I hate taking tests of any kind, let alone college exams.
2) I'm a people pleaser. I've been working on this a lot but it's a process and I know that it's going to take time before I've moved on.
3) I'm a perfectionist. I don't like failure and while I'm not OCD, I do like things to be done a certain way.
But my perfectionist side mixed with my people please and my anxiety? It's not a good mix. Especially when I began college this fall.
In August, I had this plan: I was not only going to rock this blogging thing but I was going to do amazing in college. I would read dozens of books and I'd get straight As. But somewhere, this idea changed. I didn't blog as much as I wanted to but I didn't put the focus on school, as I should have. School's always been important to me but this past few months have made me realize that sometimes, too many expectations can lead to failure. Or failure in our own terms.
I didn't do as strongly this semester as I wish I had. There isn't much I can do about it now except work hard next semester. Or, in my own words, work my ass off. But one big thing will for me: blogging is going to take a step back in my life but in the right way.
I love book blogging too much to stop it completely but not enough to realize that there are other things more important in my life than blogging.
I've always thought it was cliched when people would say that it takes some bad turns to help you get on track but it seems to be the case with me. I'm not perfect at all and this proves it. But really, I guess I wrote this for all the younger readers of this blog. Learn from my mistakes and realize now that school and family and friends should come first before blogging. It's not about dismissing one aspect of your life as inferior to others but rather about realizing that you need to prioritize.
And I didn't write this post for any other reason but to be honest with not only myself but all of your. Admitting you did something wrong--like not working hard enough in school--is hard but worth it.